"LET IT SNOW" - a send-up o' the Christmas song.

Minnesota  nICE?   Bah humbug.  Where is global warming when you need it?
 
© Copyright 2015-2020, John Hessburg.  All rights reserved. 
 

Oh the weather outside is sickening
And our blood is actually thickening
They're flyin' South, the geese & ducks
Even bird-brains know that winter sucks.
 
'Tis the season to be jolly not blue
'Til you catch the Asian flu
Remember salt your sidewalk, too
Or your neighbors will be sure to sue.
 
 
CHORUS:
So be careful walkin' under your eaves
Which are all clogged with autumn leaves
Or you might get drilled by an icicle
And a 15-pounder doesn't tickle....
 
 
After cross-country skiing it feels weird
To be pulling icicles outta my beard
But here's another winter blight --
Road salt rusting every car in sight.
 
Yep, no snow’s sweet as sugar
When it creates the "Wheel Well Booger"
And the reason for this half-baked quip --
I just slipped on black ice & broke my hip.
 
 
CHORUS:
Still  the Minnesotans say you gotta
Venture out & embrace the snow
However, if the truth were really known
It's the whiskey that makes their cheeks glow...
 
 
Oh the weather outside is hideous
And the sub-zero temps insidious
And Ol' Man Winter we ain't lyin'
Shoved our state where the sun don't shine.
 
Our garage floors look like pig stys
And our lips are crispy as french fries
Wintertime is such a nosebleed
'Bout as glamorous as a lutefisk feed.
 

CHORUS:
So it's time to get iconoclastic
And mash the myth of Minnesota Nice
'Cause May in Minneapolis is fantastic
'Til schools send home a warning 'bout head lice...
 
 
Now the woodland peace gets shattered
By some snowmobilers' clatter
So here's a little warm advice
Take your next ride across thin ice...

Oh the weather outside is sickening
And our blood is actually thickening
They're flying South, the geese & ducks
Even bird brains know that winter sucks !!