"The GOSSIP MACHINE" - a pop-song parody.

© Copyright 2015-2020, John Hessburg.  All rights reserved. 

To the tune of "Creeque Alley" by The Mamas and the Papas, this satiric lyric was first written in late 2008, when newspapers and TV were chockablock with lurid tales of extramarital affairs and backroom indiscretions.  It was all too much.  Presented as an entry in a Twin Cities Joke-Tellers Contest.  Can't remember who won.  So there...


Coiffed John Edwards, barreling headwards
Into a scandal supreme
His busty blonde bimbo, legs all akimbo
Poses for GQ – what a scream…
 
CHORUS:
Everywhere you turn the Paparazzi gather
Swarming, swarming, resolutely storming
Every private corner they see
And everybody’s getting rich – like TMZ.
 
Tiger Woods’ harem, nothin’ seems to scare ‘em
Away from T & A publicity
With 9 iron feelin’, Tiger’s wife Elin
Runs away to the North Sea…
 
CHORUS:
 
Perez Hilton, stinky as a Stilton
Dishing gossip from a deep tureen
We might feel annoyed, about his Schadenfreude
But it’s a million-dollar machine…
 
CHORUS:
 
Reads like a script ‘bout Creature from the Crypt
Jesse James with Bombshell McGee
Sandy Bullock’s poutin’, she kicked Jesse out’n
They’re all over network TV…
 
CHORUS:

See Wolf Blitzer report on Guv Spitzer’s
Call-girl Ashley Dupree’
Now she’s got a talk show, a rubber-neckin' gawk show
Cultural in-sanity…
 
CHORUS: