MY FAVORITE SLINGS (& ARROWS) - a parody

© Copyright 2015-2020, John Hessburg.  All rights reserved. 

(To the tune of "My Favorite Things" from the musical "Sound of Music."  Written for an evening event with comedic theme, attended by Midwest investors early in the Great Recession.)

First it was Enron, then Bear-Stearns, then Lehman’s
Fat cats were stashing their cash in the Caymans
Then all our home values crashed in a heap
Same with our IRAs, aww blankety-bleep!
 
Treasury Boss Geithner forgot to pay taxes
Yet controlled IRS auditing axes
Something is rotten in Denmark, it seems
Wall Street’s top tickers are all Ponzi schemes.
 

(Chorus)
When the Dow bites, when the stocks sting,
When my Schwab fund blows;
I simply remember that now Charlie Sheen
Can only afford crack ho’s.

 
Ol’ Bernie Madoff with 65 billion
Retirement losses they topped a gazillion
AIG bonuses heaped on execs
For failure – hey, that’s even better than sex!
 
Bottom lines migrate up to our foreheads
Horrific stock news makes us all soreheads
Blithering, dithering, wringing their hands
Congress can't find their testosterone glands!


(Chorus)
When the Dow bites, when the stocks sting,
When my Schwab fund tanks;
I simply remember that even Ruth Madoff
Will now dine on beans & franks.
 

Berkshire-Hathaway’s down in the dumps
Donald Trump’s slid into one of his slumps
Every time Obama opens his mouth
Dow-Jones Industrials fall further south!
 
Where was Bernanke, was he M-I-A?
Ditching the Fed for Club Med – what the hey?
Although Bill Gates was shopping WalMart
Here is some happy news, let’s not lose heart …
 

(Chorus)
When the Dow bites, when the stocks sting,
When my Schwab fund sucks;
I simply remember that Warren Buffet
Is down 20 billion bucks!